On school and on Camp

Ok I haven't been blogging huh.
Let me make it up by telling you some of my thoughts:-

If being busy is a valid excuse, that's exactly what I've been. The amount of schoolwork these days is overwhelming, to say the least.

I've seen a lot of things in schoolwork I haven't had to see before. Mind you I'm not talking about new engineering skills I've picked up ('cos I haven't picked up anything).

I saw (and still see) my peers move on - to new academic goals, social groups, project groups...
And I also see others left behind - excluded, bitched about... left behind.

I realized how people deal with change.
They move on themselves. That's what I've been doing - I made new friends, new goals, new project partners.
I try as much as I can not to exclude and bitch.
But of course by saying that I TRY not to, I mean to say that I still do, to that minimal extent.

Easter Camp is the other big thing that had been going on.
Planning camp was one big drama in itself.
I've forgotten my exact feelings at the instants of the drama, but I haven't forgotten what I've taken out of it.
I learned too much about myself.
1. I gave up too easily.
2. I need to be reminded more often that I need strength from God to do so many things.

Camp was good.

'Master, where do you live?', we asked.
'Come and see', He said.
I went and I saw.

The 40 of us collectively realized that God lived everwhere.
He was in the Spirit that moved among us, to every individual at camp, to the plants and animals that made the difference to the setting of the campsite, all the way to the beautiful weather we were blessed with throughout the duration of camp.
Everything went smoothly.
There were no major mishaps...

Camp for me was majorly thought provoking.
Before I wrote this, my thoughts were private and I thought I only wanted to share it with a small bunch of people. But as I thought through them, I figured that not sharing it would almost be a contradiction.

Because
Firstly: I find it so hard to get have a personal relationship with people these days, because I have been living in such denial that I don't even admit to myself what I truly think and feel. I choose not to think about the things that really matter and when people ask me if I'm okay, I force a smile, assure them that I'm fine, and in the process convince myself that everything is all good.

Because of this,
I learned secondly, that: I have no idea who I really am. Don't know what I want, why I want the things I think I want, why I do what I do... I have come to the conclusion that we're happier people when we are in touch with ourselves.

I also found out that
Thirdly: I need to be less self centered. Need to be more aware of the people around me. After all what is a relationship if it's not personal...?

But on the topic of people around me,
The fourth thing I realized is that: I know I should, but I would be lying if I said that I do care about the people I don't know.
I sympathise with the people who are devastated by the recent tsunami and earthquakes. I can see how hard the lives of street-people can get without a roof over their heads. I feel sad for people who're just left behind by the rest of the world.

That all said, I can't bring myself to really care. My heart is probably just too small. I can't understand what they have to go through - can only imagine...
And after all that imagination, all that comes out of with would be just lame understatements, if they were correct at all.

So I should just start small.
The fifth thing I learned is that: I have made the decision to develop a relationship with the immediate people who matter.

So while camp brought me to see the places God lives, it has also led me to discover the dusty corners of the home He made in my heart.
Through camp I've found the grace to clean them up.

So the God living in all of you, please help me.

And now I shall get back to the 6 assignments I have on hand.

+ Flisha spoke @ 9:01 pm

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Comments:

Praise God for your revelations, and your insightful discoveries of the need for self discovery and relationships.

You my dear friend are indeed growing, and self discovery is so much an important part of the growth. To discover who we really are, and to love and accept ourselves as that wonderful gift from God. That He made us each different for His own purpose.

And one of those purposes is in our relationships. Through them, we learn more abt ourselves, we learn to love and to be loved, we experience joy, sadness. Sometimes it brings hurt, and yet with that comes reconciliation.

May the Good Lord bless you as you continue to grow in faith with Him.

# posted by  Terence : 12:28 pm

 

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