Fantasies Do Come True

CMD

2012-01-17T22:19:00.001+08:00

Apprehension
Self consciousness
Ventilation
Relief
Hurdle
Distraction
Confidence
Sexiness
Liberation
Psyche

Because I didn't work this afternoon...

2012-01-15T22:39:00.001+08:00

Church
Lunch
Pool session
Tea
Catch up
Dinner
Return gear
Home

Still trying to get my head around being so productive when I don't do work!

3 fathers were talking...

2012-01-03T23:45:00.001+08:00

A: I'm having breakfast with the guest at 7am tomorrow, would you like to join us?
B: You know I cannot make it so early
C: Yeah that happens when you have a precious daughter, every morning you become Driver.
B: Yes, and I consider that priority

Noteworthy-
1. A workaholic with priorities
2. I suspect that is how Papa thinks too :-)

Work life balance

2011-12-27T01:11:00.001+08:00

Wouldn't it be awesome if I make my life also my work? That way I could use 'work' and 'life' interchangeably. Then life could be gloomily work-work, or hedonistically life-life. Or it could be the perfect balance of work-life.

So why is it that knowing that I have to leave the office by a certain set time always makes me unnecessarily fluatered? And now that I'm going to Sabah for 3 working days, I'm freaking out that I wouldn't have enough time to finish my stuff and that other pple have to do my work for me :-(

Puss and Productivity

2011-11-30T23:53:00.001+08:00

It crossed my mind that today I have had dinner, gone for a movie, hung out with friends, laughed a lot this evening, taken the train home from Harbourfront, have strolled home from AMK station, and get home earlier than I usually leave the office

Joys.

3 months on

2011-10-11T23:55:00.004+08:00

So it's been 3 months from 11 July 2011.
My boss marked it by starting the wheels of the 'confirmation' wagon.

Felicia do not worry about yr confirmation. I will always be there for you. Remember to nv stop learning and improve on yr technical skill. Pardon me for not being able to attend to you sometime. My apologies on that.
Objective is to grow and u play an important part in the team. ;) it a pleasure to have you in the team and I want u to stay here as long as possible.

What better affirmation can one get.

It's been a wonderful 3 months, and I could never have gotten this far without the people that I have come into contact with. It's funny how it has fallen so perfectly into place, as if the Higher Power made it specially for me. The twists of fates, the timing of events, the people I have met who nudge me into this direction... It felt right, right from the beginning, and it hasn't changed.

Never would I have construed how conducive the work environment could be - it's almost as if it's the prefect mix of challenges and breezes, independence and support, colleagues and friends.

Notable events over the past 3 months -
At 8.30am, the Contractor calls. 'I cannot come for the 9.30am testing we have scheduled today.' It was as if the world stopped turning for a while. The sales team helped me with a few calls, but it was futile. Gboss heard about it. His response, 'Don't worry I will solve it for you'. The next thing I knew, the ENTIRE team was on the phone. Well-connected calls were made, schedules were changed, logistics were spontaneously sorted out, and from have ZERO people going to conduct the test, we ended up having 7 engineers and 2 external help on the job. On my job. I couldn't have been more touched.

I was supposed to look at the contents of the Client's drawer, AND I COULDN'T OPEN IT! My boss, who was in the middle of his own meeting, talked me through every little step. 'Lock it on the bottom right corner... 45 degrees clockwise, pull.... '

And he has always been there. Even to the wee hours of the morning, because I haven't been competent enough to do my quotes independently.

I am truly grateful.
And I shall show that by getting >60%.

Thank you. For the opportunity to believe that I can be better than I have ever been.

lil thanks

2011-06-16T00:55:00.001+08:00

From someone I hold in high regard -
Don't be to quick to apologize, especially in work. Only offer your apology when it is really needed.

On doing work and then getting paid (Jobs)

2011-02-23T01:46:00.004+08:00

He said -

Engineering was a real job cos it involved bosses, professionalism, number crunching and development of core skills.

Sales in a corporate training company was not a real job cos even though it involved offices and bosses, it was only about telephone calls and then more talking face-to-face; It could have become a real job if it evolved to actually becoming a trainer.

So of course the current jobs is a great joke. Or rather, a 'gap year job which you eventually have to move on from cos it has no future, right?' So due to this current job, she is unable to be serious, have proper conversations, hence 80% of the time she's just making noises, so it's understandable that she is ignored.

WOW!

ARGH!

2010-08-06T21:57:00.003+08:00

23 years old and already a dive instructor?

Yes, it's often these non-mainstream people who seem to be sure what they want to do with their lives.

While growing up, people put ideas in my head - these jobs were noble, others were cool... Was lucky enough to go to uni. There I received more information on even more glamorous jobs. There were the ones that everybody wanted to do but only few qualified. Apparently those companies are awesome employers that more importantly pay really well. But if you don't get there, that's ok cos then there were the jobs that you were 'trained for'. Then there are the jobs that due to circumstances you just had to eventually do....

I'm convinced that none of these is what I truly want to do. But I'm so lost I'm not sure what it is that will make me happy. Every thing that I think could be interesting gets shot down: 'it's a stupid job', 'there's no future in it', 'please choose a profession that gives your training and yourself some respect', 'so little pay?! forget it!!'

Thought this was my opportunity to try my hand out at whatever random job I want. Unfortunately it's not as easily executable.

It's highly frustrating that nobody seems to understand where I'm coming from, and that they think they know better. As if that's not hard enough, it's even more stressful to know that whether or not they voice it, the people closest to me are most judgmental of what I choose to do with my time.

Say whatever you want, I'm really going to pluck out courage to try out things that excite me.

I think so, at least...

2010-03-22T16:53:00.001+08:00

The things I have to do are really a waste of time. I'd much rather make them things I want to do.

f

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On tau sar piah

2010-03-19T19:58:00.000+08:00

We were eating tau sar piah when she asked, 'Isn't this the bigger version?'

'Bigger version of what?'

'The smaller one lah!'

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Nightmare, 14th march 2010

2010-03-16T20:16:00.001+08:00

My nightmare on Sunday night was, on hindsight, almost entertainng -

met a girl who was terrified and was hiding from her dad who was chasing her. the police came looking for her dad and I gave him away, when he was being thrown into the police car, he had this deranged laughter and said to me 'i'll be back for you'
I was so scared, and so was the girl. The next thing i knew, she was packing up to run away. She asked me to go with her... So we took a tram-like vehicle and went to live in a tiny hostel a few towns away.

this girl, before sleeping, she'd say 'lets go to the clouds' and we'd dream we're in the clouds, or 'lets go diving' and that's where we'd be in our dreams. I had to consent to our destination before we could get there.

So first it started out with nice dreams.... Every time we dreamt, her powers grew a little stronger. So eventually, she managed to in my dreams, take us to places that I didn't even want to go...
Later I got dragged into her nightmares... and then pple started getting murdered...

Then I realized that the things in our dreams were real. And all the nightmarish murders I dreamt that we commited all really happened. And there was no way the police could incriminate us. It was then when I also figured that she had framed her father for some evil thing she did....

So i tried not to dream with her anymore, but soon, she was even able to yank me from the state of consciousness into daydream mode... It was horrible....

Find it and you'll never work again

2010-01-31T14:39:00.002+08:00

I was recently reminded of one of my favourite paragraphs that I've read. It's from the chapter 'The Right Job' from Winning, by Jack Welch.

'You endure the same gummy, time-consuming, up-and-down, iterative process that all working people go through. You take one job, discover what you like and don't like about it and what you're good and bad at, and then, in time, change jobs to get something else closer to the right fit. And you do that until one day you realize - hey, I'm finally in the right job. I like what I'm doing, and I'm making the trade-offs I'm willing to make.'

No brain surgery, just something we all know formally put down into words by a role model, and at least for me it suddenly became more real, credible, and encouraging.

So here's to all of us normal people, may our iterative process end soon!

The cool phone

2010-01-20T22:11:00.001+08:00

The people around me seem to slowly join the cult of the charismatic iPhone.

People buy it just because everybody else seems to think it's cool. In owning the gadget, they rightfully strive to maximise its functions. They are put in the position to learn more about the phone and what it can do. Then they hear of the universe of applications that add convenience or entertainment to their lives. Those who were previously not so Internet-savvy start with getting friends to install the apps. They move on to hearing about apps and then independently installing them. We soon find them reading up on and independently installing their newfound discoveries. The result is increased confidence levels in using the Internet, which is really the start of the discovery of the entire virtual world.

The iPhone has indeed done it's part for Internet literacy.

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Marathon while at work

2010-01-18T18:09:00.000+08:00

Cold calling is like running a marathon. You just keep going, one step at a time, till you reach your goal.

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Carnival

2010-01-17T19:23:00.000+08:00

It was a Saturday afternoon. It was sunny, yet the sun did not scorch.

The square bustled with people, and the live Lambada could be heard distinctly.

Carnival was all in the air, although nobody noticed the guitarist at the very centre...

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14 January 2010

2010-01-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

She smiled, and this is what she said -

'Felicia, I noticed you like the Tanjong Pagar muffins, I'm going there today do you want one?'

on some immense pride

2009-07-27T00:25:00.003+08:00

Nearing the end of the 21 Gun Presidential Salute, we heard the helicopters from the distance. The band started the national anthem, and in one reflex action, EVERYBODY was on their feet.

I love my anthem. Yesterday, for the first time, I sang it with thousands of Singapore citizens. It was enthusiastic and it was sincere, joyful yet solemn. Hung from the helicopter, my national flag in all it's majesty, graced the crowd with it's presence. It went on to bring a little bit of the Parade to all Singaporeans who would but only look out of their windows and into the skies.

For the millions of us, we were united in those moments.

And this was just rehearsals.

All Waxed Up

2009-05-09T00:12:00.004+08:00

Hi Blog, maybe I'm just narcissistic, but I seem to love putting up my birthday posts just for the record -

7th May 2009

Wendy does dodgy things all morning like walk up to Eelyn and myself who were talking, to tell her to pick up the phone, and then walked back to her desk to call her. Carlo tells me that Wendy told him that VT wanted to talk to me. After freaking my guts out, I took a walk to his office only to find that he wasn't there. After lunch, Michelle calls. I went up to get my Sunnies :-) Wendy, Nadim and Junting had gotten me a yummy slice of cake, and Nadim wanted to get me a foon and a spork to eat it with... And I found that pretty envelope of my new top in my bag! Christine then passes me some Stitch charms. I juggled my handbag, gymbag and basket home on the magic bus, and my dad came to get me from the bus stop.

Took the car out to meet Shuyan. We went to Greenwood Ave for fish! The server was just really friendly to the extent that he had no problems saying hi to us randomly. Heh heh. When I got home, I took off my slippers, and heard some giggling around the corner. When I looked, there was Diane, Justin and my sister. Diane was holding a beautiful pink & white cake named Felicia. We sat and talked for a while. It was good.

8th May 2009

Went to the Marina Barrage with my parents. Met PZ and we had a ball of a time in Toys R Us. Met Ber later and we went for lunch. Then went to Spa Haven for my warm little date. Date finished too late so I had to miss mass (that was a tad disappointing, but it was all my own fault anyway) Hung out for a good few more hours at PZ's office before my dad came to get me. We had tim sum for dinner. There was so much food it was just such a happy occasion. Came home and cut the cake.

Throughout the day I received numerous sms-es and phone calls from all those who remembered (even if it was technology who reminded them).

It was such a simple 2 days, but so significant that everybody I loved and truly cared for were a part of it. Thanks for being such beautiful parts of my life.

Love.

The Fantasies aren't Coming True...

2009-02-27T01:22:00.003+08:00

Felicia dusts the cobwebs off her blog...

Hi Blog, it's been a long time since I've been here. The fantasies are not coming true, but I haven't given up hope just yet. There are so many things I want to do, yet I feel so stuck in my bird cage. Feel like screaming - about what I have no idea. I could list out everything I wanted to do, and yet I know that once I've finished doing them all, I'll still feel empty and unaccomplished. Then again I guess it's better than not doing anything at all? About those fantasies, hmm... we'll see how it goes yeah...

assumptions of an airhead

2008-03-29T11:24:00.002+08:00

I somehow figured that the world revolved around me, myself and I.
Just cos I (in Celine's words) committed virtual suicide, and I stopped reading other people's blogs, I assumed that the entire world had decided to stop blogging.

Imagine my utter stupefaction to be proven otherwise as I browsed through those links.

Anyway I shall still be cleaning them up... They're 90% broken.

work woes

2008-03-27T23:40:00.004+08:00

I was just blaming my lack-of-inspiration on the mundane things in life, and it's all been work! Oh yah... I never put it for the record on this blog. Dear Diary, on 21st May 2007, I became a mechanical engineer.

Now back to the mundane things in life...
Work's not that mundane. Really. Over the past 10 months, it has become crazily busy, and recently, just painfully dull. Either way, there's always the people around to spice it all up. In my stay there, I've made friends, seen heaps of drama, heard gossip, lived politics (heck it seems I've been caught right in the middle of a huge war)... it's all there! Oh well, work's work huh.

I think I speak for a many of my colleagues, and lotsa other people -
What is it with work that we wake up before our body clocks are ready to, go through that morning shower/breakfast routine, commute to work, walk into the office to spend every sun-shining moment... It's like spending more time in that office space that we do awake-hours at home!! In a denser space at that (all the authority regulations and heat-load calculations seem to suggest that offices are squatters when compared with our dwelling areas... everything has to be super sized)

So yes, that makes our colleagues are really important cos they make the day so much different. So why is it that some weirdo queerdos like to make life so difficult of each other knowing full well that they've gotta breathe the carbon doxide that their archenemy exhaled...? Why don't we just all smile genuinely, talk nicely, try to be human in relating to one another...?

Whoops got carried away bitching that I digress.

Now back to the point - work is so mundane. But what work isn't really?
It's that TQM concept, that Macdonalds concept... I forgot what it's called la... But it's that thing about simplifying jobs to simple tasks so that they can be performed by anybody. Apparently we'd be more efficient in our tasks if we concentrate on only one small thing. Then it's also supposed to become a HR problem, because then there's that Maslow dude saying that we need some new challenges now and then.

After regurgitating all that, all I'm really trying to conclude is that in theory, all work is menial and mundane, and we'll soon get sick of it if we things don't move along.

Actually I haven't finished bitching! But this should be just about enough before I shrivel up into a sour prune of an aunty.

Don't worry, I'm not as jaded as I sound just yet.

Or am I...??

2008-03-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

Been thinking of typing away in here for about a week now, but haven't been about to figure out what to write. How dumb. I thought - maybe if I just started typing, it might come to me. Evidently not. What was I thinking.

Great, now I'm whining to nobody.

2007-11-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

I know that God exists because now that I've lost sight of Him, I'm hopelessly lost.

It was awesome!!

2007-05-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

See today's my birthday.
It hasn't ended.
But it's been simply packed with pretty surprises!!

I woke up early to very many smses waiting for me on my phone. Then I went to book my duck tour for 4pm. So the entire morning I was replying my bday messages and being thick skinned and collecting my messages etc etc. I by 11am I was really starting to get impatient cos I couldn't wait for my duck tour. Luckily Charissa sent me flowers in the midst of all that to distract me!!

At lunchtime, the sky became overcast and I was getting super worried that it'd rain and ruin my duck tour. My next couple of hours were dreadful cos I was just so so worried about my duck tour! Half the time I was thinking, 'Dear God, I'm gonna go to church to pray for wonderful weather but that's after I need it so will you please give it to me now and I'll pray for it later.' True enough, when I got to Suntec (where the tour starts), the sky cleared up and it's the usual hot and sunny Singapore. Someone out there is looking out for me!!

Duck tour was awesome!! My sister and I sat on this amphibious vehicle painted in the face of a duck named Katrina. It drove out of Suntec like a bus, turned into a small exclusive bumpy lane, and SPLASHED into the river to become a boat!! It was simply amazing. The pictures came out pretty, and everybody there was so nice and all....

My sister and I went for mass and then met my dad, mum and bro for dinner. After much drama, we finally got to Long Beach, Marina Bay where I had my bamboo clams, chilli crab, kangkong sambal belachan, drunken prawns, almond jelly, birthday 'peaches'... I was ridiculously happy lah, really.

We were on our way home for our dessert (which was my yummy bday cake), and I thought - what a nice end to an awesome day. I'm so happy I don't think I can be happier.

Little did I know.

My dad opened the letterbox and from afar, I saw the giant parcel. It HAD to be mine. It's my birthday! The handwriting all over my giant parcel was unmistakably Jason's. It's THE parcel!! My elevator ride home was unbearably long. I couldn't wait to get home to open my parcel labelled 'cards and chocolates'.

The first thing I saw were the HIPPOS!!! You know those super cute and yummy hippos that Kinder makes... Unfortunately they were squashed and they looked hilarious. I'm sure they're just as yummy. I took the other things out - Diane's card, Florence's card, Jason's card, another card from Diane, Florence, Ramesh, Austin and Bryant...

And GUESS WHAT I FOUND!!!!
I found this goofy message in Jason's handwriting 'I know your present look sucky now, but turst me, you will enjoy it.......' lots more instructions, and TAADAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

2 TICKETS TO THE PHANTOM!!!!!!
The one I've so wanted to watch and haven't been able to because I couldn't afford it!!

OK I cried my tears of joy. My andrenaline levels were like pumped up so high at the eleventh hour... (do we get heart attacks from these kinda feelings?) It's almost midnight I haven't cut my cake yet.... Gonna do that too....!!!

I'm and crazy happy mad wreck.

And all I can say is thanks. To everybody who's made my birthday so so special with your phone calls, messages and all other gestures.

Thank you.

face update

2007-05-08T09:38:00.000+08:00

On 27th April I was stuck in AMK Hub cos it was raining and I got really bored so I did something and Noel says I need to blog it. So here it is!

It isn't as short as I had initially wanted it to be... but ain't I hot... eeeeheeeheeehee

wols

2007-05-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

I JUST figured out how to read comments (rather they JUST appeared on my blogger thingy).
And GUESS WHAT!! I JUST read Kenneth's comment.

With reference to my 'pictures' entry on 20th Feb 2006 (two zero zero SIX), he said 'errr, where are the photos'.

Wahahhaha I just realized I didn't tell anybody!

They're here laaahhhhhh - www.felicias.shutterfly.com

I'm STILL uploading pictures.....

Meet the cousins

2007-05-06T19:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (5th May 2007) was a weird day. For the first time in my entire teenage-young-adult-ish life, I met my cousins outside CNY.

Having 3 hours to kill between church and meeting Weise JJ, I called Christopher up.
He was at Wala Wala, Holland Village. So I went there. The band was entertainingly interactive. It was nice.

WeiseJJ, Meidan and Akira picked me up from Holland Village, and we went to PS Cafe (because we've been talking about going there since CNY).

I walked into the cafe. From the corner of my eye, I saw a dude in a bright red shirt. All my vibes told me not to look at him. Unfortunately, as I followed WeiseJJ, I found myself walking in that direction... Mr Red Shirt turned out to be Akira's friend.

'It's not him', I told myself.

Akira's 4 friends were there. (I thought) He pointed to Mr Bright Red and I heard him say 'Fang Wen'. I heaved a complete sigh of relief and took my seat beside Mr Bright Red.

I decided to confirm my names. I looked at DudeAtTheHeadOfTheTable and questioningly said 'Fabian?' He smiled and nodded. I went on to Mr Bright Red.

'Fang Wen?'

There were violent protests from all 4 of them. Mr Bright Red turned to me and enunciated, 'SHI WEI!!!'

For that split second, I stared at him blankly and he stared back. 'FELICIA!!!!'

Using the term 'boyfriend' loosely, I just HAVE to say this -
My cousin's boyfriend's buddy's cousin is my boyfriend.

obsessed

2007-04-08T18:02:00.000+08:00

As you can tell, nothing's going on in my life at the moment.

So I think I'm so bored that I'm coming up with obsessions.

And here's the list of them.

1. I've decided to become vegetarian.
For health reasons.
Because apparently meat has weirdo effects on you.
According to my dearest friends Ping Zhi, Shuxian and Pei Jun.
But my plan hasn't been working so well. 5 days into my new obsession, I ate a chunk of beef that tasted so heavenly that it was utterly sinful.

2. Juggling!
Everyday I try to juggle the red, yellow and blue ball I got at the Tony Buzan mindmapping seminar 6 years ago.
Apart from that, I also juggle my job search with my waitressing job, and the various other commitments...

3. What to do this weekend.
Because Joanne is coming to see me.
Supposedly this Saturday but she says not to keep thinking about it lest I get disappointed.
But I think even if she comes later I get to be obsessed about this issue for a longer time so no loss there.....

Hmm do I have any other obsessions?
I'm sure to come up with some new ones soon enough anyway.

ps I'm really glad I'm writing this blog entry... Blogging just feels good.....

It is time to update your blog when......

2007-02-07T10:47:00.000+08:00

Here's a riddle -

Q: When do you know it's time to update your blog?
A: When your friend and your brother gang up to nag at you.

Change of status

2006-11-16T18:29:00.000+08:00

I am no longer a student. I guess you could say that I'm unemployed. Heeheehee.

Today is the 16th day of the 11th month, 2006 years after the year of the Lord.
I sat for my last paper of my academic life.
Today, I paused and consciously savoured the moment I solemnly penned down the last full stop on my exam script.

I had flashbacks of scenes of my childhood (or babyhood).
But my first vivid memories were that of nursery school and kindergarten, where I dutifully bullied the boys and refused to colour the apple on the paper. I then insisted that I did colour it - White.

Primary school was another time of not doing my homework and standing outside the class. My chinese teacher calling my mum, demerit points in The Book.
We had hugs and stories from Mrs Sarada Panicker in primary 3. Ping Zhi sat beside me in class. She got me started on Enid Blyton's Noddy books, and our heads always collided painfully when we swept it down to look under the desk for the books.

Mrs Ng was always talking about some potential and capacity that she wanted us to meet in primary 4. She was also always late for class because she had a hard time walking up the stairs.

In primary 5, Mrs Lim wiped the teachers' desk every time she used it. She sat on her handkerchief when sitting on the chair, and refuses to handle money. Ms Eleanor Foo made us strip when we forgot our recorders at music class. My sister came to primary 1 when I was in P5. My chinese teacher, Lan lao-shi was my sister's form teacher loved her and hated me.

Primary 6 saw my out-of-the-blue giggles at Mrs Ho's math classes. She got so annoyed she called me a werewolf and always asked me if it was full moon tonight. And she made me stand by the blackboard to clean the board for her after she wrote so that I couldn't distract the people around me. She was disappointed with my PSLE results. But she's the one teacher I go back to visit.

Lower secondary was one experience which I hardly remember, mainly because I'm no longer in contact with my best friends then.Cheuk Yin, Cheuk Wai, Elaine and Rosemarie.

Upper secondary was where I met my girls. You babes are the best. I shared my best memories school memories with you and our class, Mr Tan, Mrs Teo, Madam Tan, Chiam lao-shi...
Thanks for the wonderful memories and the priceless experiences.

Australia was a completely difference experience.It was really about taking care of myself, and at the same time looking out for the people around me. In short, it's where I actually grew up.
Uni has been my God-given gift of being among the best brains in Australia. Over the years, I have been humbled by their humility and strengthened by their support.
In Uni, I glimsped the way the World works - mechanically, commercially, and most valuablly, I sneaked a preview on how it works inter-personally.

As I handed my exam script to the invigilator, I thought of my parents.
Congratulations Papa and Mummy - You have just successfully seen your firstborn through her academic life.

I am 21. I'm young, dynamic and I'm high on life.
My school these years have moulded me well, and my Graduation ceremony will really be my initiation ceremony.

It really says 'the world is out there, go get it'.

Hello World, brace yourself for me.

real life movie

2006-09-22T08:26:00.000+08:00

Just when I was wondering if the world was still nice, I saw this very nice sight at Safeway yesterday -

The ~14 year old boy wanted to buy a pack of 5 DVD-Rs that were $12. When the cashier scanned it, he looked really disappointed and said he had to come back for it later and dejectedly walked off. The woman in front of him who had just finished paying for her stuff and was gathering them, looked up and asked the cashier '$12 was it? I'll cover it!' and she handed the cashier a $50 note. The boy thanked her and ran off.

And I thought these only happened in movies.

Spring spring

2006-09-08T12:29:00.000+08:00

I just realized - it's my last spring in Melbourne.
Because I do hope that I won't be here next year.

I was just telling Lydia,
I want to complain about spring.
It's been one week.
The weekend was beautiful but it's been raining the rest of the days.
Not nice being out, let alone be walking in any park....

BUT, because of all that rain, fresh little green leaves seem to be peeking out of the tree branches that line the roads and avenues...
And my neighbour's cherry blossom tree seems to have gone through a pink explosion. The whole tree is pink and white now it's beautiful.
And our rose bush that was botak just last week is also growing leaves and branches.
Hee... Quite an exciting time if not for the rain that dampens everything else.

I shall go take photos!

Bye bye!

2006-09-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

Florence and I caught 'Friends with Money' today.
It's about the lives of a small bunch of women in their40s who've been friends for a long time (they probably went to school together)

Here's the line that I've been holding on to all day: -
'We're so different. If we had met now, would we have hit off as friends?'

No.
But the point is we're already friends.

I miss my gals.
Heaps.

ShuXian forwarded me an email.

2006-08-29T16:05:00.000+08:00

Here it is: -

Subject: A date with mum... Must read, for the love of Mum

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie."What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news."I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you, "I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print.

Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips."It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small, "she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined," I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. Anattached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.... Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct...
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring...
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"...
Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices...
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother...
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first. S
omebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books....
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....
Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...
Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....
Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her....
Somebody isn't a mother.

Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life, and to everyone who ever had a mother. This isn't just about being a mother; it's about appreciating the people in your life while you have them....
no matter who that person is.

Sorry, and Thank You

2006-07-27T19:13:00.000+08:00

aka the million dollar question

An hour ago, I was made to think about the COSDU presidency.
And I remembered a very humbling thought I had which I really should have posted some time between May 2005/06.
But here it is now anyway -

The most important people are in this order
1. God
2. Big everybody community
3. COSDU community
4. COSDU committee
5. President

Because without God, there would be no wider community. Without the wider community, there would not have been little COSDU. Without the support of COSDU, the committee would be just decoration. And without a committee, here THE question - what's the president for?

NOTHING!!!

Wasn't so hard, was it?

I apologise for all the ways that I've failed all of you, but God, Big Community, Cosdu Community, and Cosdu Committee, thank you for your support.

2006-07-27T08:57:00.000+08:00

Believe me I've been ever wondering what to write on this thing.
I read what I wrote before, back during the times when I was actually writing.
I had stuff to write about.
I could take a step back and look at my life and write about it.
Or was it because I wanted to write, and hence looked for stuff to write about, and therefore saw things to write about?

But since then I've been unable to do so.
Since then, I've been sucked into the middle of it all, and can't see past me, myself, and my little life.

I think that's about the same time I lost sight of my God.

What happened?
Would a conscious effort to drag myself out of my little life remedy the situation?

Maybe blogging again will help... ?

Let me tell you a story -

2006-06-30T08:48:00.000+08:00

The girl had such a crazy semester that she did not remember to write anything down. This was, of course, a mistake, because now she can't remember what happened in the entire 4 or 5 months!

Anyway, some time during the second week of her holidays, she decides to meet up with one of her gals geographically closest to her. In order to check out on that gal is doing, she accesses her blog. Then she wanted to find out of the one next closest was around as well - so she checked our another blog, but was not able to find out any answers to that question. She then hops on to another blog.

After blog hopping a whole heap, she decides to check out her own blog, which she has not accessed for months.
And to her horror, she sees on her tagboard, the message: 'You have no posts now'.

It was only then that she realises that her last visit to her own blog was at least half a year ago!

And to salvage matters, she posts an entry on her blog... very much like the one you've just read......

2006-04-11T17:23:00.000+08:00

Sigh

I'm so lonely.
There's so many people around me, but none who's always always there for me. Unconditionally.

Times like these I really miss my family, and currently and especially my brother and my sister.

I wish they were here.

Pictures...

2006-02-20T10:35:00.000+08:00

Finally I upload new recent pictures.
Taken from my nice new camera!

Check em out.

2006-02-01T00:47:00.000+08:00

Vick got me a brownie today.
Lalala
*happy*

*happy*

*still happy*

Ok I am a grinning idiot

2006-01-10T06:21:00.000+08:00

I'm looking at the list of my picture albums...
And I got 2 things out of it.

1. Need to update that list...
2. Need to take more pictures.

Just stating the obvious.
*grin*

*muacks*

On road rage and cowards

2006-01-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

Harry pointed out today during preshift that the crowds in Hard Rock was dependent on the weather.
Most of us would know that it rained all day today.
Miserable weather...
And I think it did get to us.

So I was in the 851 on the way home from the train station today.
Being the very last person to get up the crowded bus, I stood right in front at the windshield and beside the bus captain (so I had the best view).
While getting out of the bus stop at Castle Green, we all heard a very loud and rude horn.
It was a taxi.
Annoyed, our bus driver slammed on the horn as well.
At the next junction, he drove up beside the taxi and had a glaring session with the taxi driver while the traffic lights were red.

Beyond the junction, our lanes merged and the taxi was just in front of our bus.
The taxi zoomed off and our bus was happily cruising down Lentor Avenue when suddenly, the our bus driver slammed down on the brakes as gently as he could so that his passengers who were standing did not fall down.
To my horror, I saw us inching closer and closer to the taxi until we DID hit it's bumper!
The taxi had just stopped in the middle of the road, right in front of our bus.

Something snapped in the bus driver.
He opened the door, jumped out of his seat and ran down the bus.
Just as he was about to knock on the bumper of the taxi, it zoomed off.
Our bus captain came back into the bus, and banged on the gate.
He started chasing after the taxi (which by that time was far far ahead).
I saw him hesitate to stop at the next bus stop (which is where I get off).
Thankfully his responsibility to his job and his passengers got the better of him.

'Let it go, uncle', I had said before getting off the bus, 'don't let him make you angry'.
He looked at me and smiled.

My realisation of the day

2006-01-01T15:24:00.000+08:00

Hey it's 2006!

Happy new year to you my friends.
Embrace yourself to make it as wonderful as you want it to be!

I should be thinking about what I achieved last year...
Joanne's bugging me about it already.
But I'm just too lazy...
I'll do it...
Soon...

If this is a bad omen please tell me

2006-01-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

On Tuesday, I was travelling towards Khatib.
The pick-up truck right in front of our bus was probably speeding, and I saw a huge chunky metal structure fall off the back of it.
Our bus driver slammed on the brakes, but we still hit the metal structure.
Every passenger jerked forward, and the little boy diagonally in front of me hit his head bad on the handlebars in front of him.

A few nights ago, the flying ant thing got caught in the web at the corner of my bathroom (yes, that's how long I haven't cleaned it).
I saw the spider suffocate it, bite off it's head and the swallow the rest of it.

Then I dreamt that I failed my literature examination because I didn't know there were books that had to be read during the semester.
In that same dream, I travelled almost halfway around the world, picking up and leaving behind people at various destinations.
Speedboat across lakes SX and PZ.
Took a hot air balloon with SS.
Swam across seas with sharks, and sea turtles with Mr Handsome.
Diane and I rode a fluffy magic white cloud which could become anything you wanted it to be - we dug our hands into it and grabbed cotton candy and the food kept us more than entertained.

With various people, I experienced the folk music of the Malaysians, Vietnamese, Sri Lankan, Indians, Africans and French...
And vain me even managed to wear their traditional costumes *grin grin*

The next day I dreamt that there were terrorists in a place in this world close to my heart.
Diane and I were happily strolling down the Y river.
Somewhere near the artistic bridge with the blue lights, some middle aged dude came up to ask us to hold the bomb from exploding in our hands by pressing down the C# key on a 13-key keyboard and holding it there.
Like the Casio keyboards, the key lighted up when pressed (but that's besides the point).
Anyway he asked us, but didn't give us a choice, so we had to oblige (by sitting by the river and holding down C#).
It suddenly got more crowded.
We eventually conned him into holding it down for us for a moment, and while he wasn't looking, we managed to get lost in the crowd and disappeared.
The first time I looked back the dude was still sitting by the river holding down the button. The next time I looked back he was not there anymore!
We made a dash for it, and in the midst of the crowd, I saw Vick, who really is my manager at work, but in my dream was a policeman.
(For the record, he was wearing a super bright Hawaiian shirt...)
To cut the long story short, he gave us super complicated directions and we eventually managed to completely lose the dude with the bomb and get out of it into the safety of 'the high security apartment which needs 2 swipes of the card to enter'.

On my unpleasant journey home today...

2005-12-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

I heard things that I'd rather not hear, and I saw things that I'd so much rather not have seen.

--------------

I used to love the workplace...
I'm sure I'll continue to love it even with a difference perspective of it now.
But I'm no longer blissfully happy...

--------------

An older lady and her two daughters gathered their numerous shopping bags from the ground of the bus, stood up at the same stop I did, tapped their EZ-link cards in front of me, and got off the bus.
From the corner of my eye, I see the little lady, who was sitting at the bus stop, rush up to the back door of the bus as it opened and for a split second, I thought 'wrong door lah woman'.
The next thing I knew was that the three women in front of me were suddenly in the process of unloading their shopping bags onto the little lady!

She can't carry the fruits of the shopping spree of those 3 women!!
And indeed she was struggling.

I dunno... maybe I shouldn't pass judgements on how other people define having domestic help - but to make her walk all the way out to the bus stop to carry the shopping back (mind you they didn't even help, just unloaded EVERY bag they carried on her)...

Anyway, my jaws dropped.
Their domestic help had doubled up to become their unreasonably treated personal porter.

Sigh.
Ok.
Enough bitching for a day...

mnd*

2005-12-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

I hate making mistakes.....
Made so many today
And it makes me feel worse that everybody has to clean up my nonsense and then be so nice about it.
Everybody especially that tall, fair big eyed beautiful babe I work with.

Don't mind me I'm just touched...

the truth is...

2005-12-15T04:16:00.000+08:00

Hullo my dear tagger friends

It looks like you've all been more active on my blog than I have myself.
Please accept my humble apologies :P
At 4 am in the morning, I always forget that I have a tagboard to check.

Work is still heaps of fun.
I'm not sure how I'm coming along at it - I hope I'm doing fine but nobody seems to tell me exactly where I'm going wrong.
I figure that I've got to work on my multi-tasking, planning and speed, but I dunno what else...

Aside from work, here's what I've learnt over the past 3 days.
The well known theory of relationship that has suddenly never been more real that ever before: You can't build any kind of true relationship on lies.

Don't worry, my friends, I haven't been lying to you.

ps
The results of the who's-going-to-tag-Felicia competition are out and the champion is none other than my dear Shuxian, and our runner up is Barty.
Noel and Celine, my tagboard is cheeky and elusive!! (neither weird nor irritating)
Ed, when are you coming to Singapore? (please tell me a week in advance before you come)
Christabel, woman I'll meet you up soon k... call me if I don't call you soon.

(next time I'll just reply you on your blogs)

My cool new tagboard

2005-12-10T14:41:00.000+08:00

Heehee!
Who wants to be the first to tag on my amazing floating tagboard?
I think it's so amusing to watch it as you move up and down the page.
Ok I know I'm as lame as ever.... I guess that's what the boredom of the holidays does to me.
Indulge in the cheapest thrills - but hey, it's the little things in life that spice it up everyday! :D

I guess I'm not THAT bored...
Working at Hard Rock Cafe as a server.
So far, work there has been great.
If you can't come up with a nice place for dinner or for drinks, be sure to remember HRC cos I'll be there!
(if I'm on the shift, that is)

Kk, happy holidays all you people!
See ya all soon.

2005-11-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

I need a new tagboard cos now it seems that nobody's talking to me :(
Kk gonna get a new tagboard.
Soon....

WHOOHOO!!!

2005-11-25T14:59:00.000+08:00

Exams have ended!!!!!!
2 hours ago!

Lalalala
No more library for 6 more months.
No more musty smell of books... no more warmish smelly air-con... no more crappy stressful days of Felicia-is-on-the-verge-of-tears and 'I want to give up and curl up in the corner and die'!!!
No more packed lunch of yesterday's dinner...
And walking back in the hot nights and getting blown by occasional chilly breezes.
And sleeping late from studying...

No more naggy voices of 'I'm going to fail the next exam if I don't start studying now'...
And the 'Have I done enough?'
And 'I'm so tired and my brain has shrivelled up'

For the next 3 months it's SUMMER!!
And I'm going HOME.
To the sunny island of Singapore.
Hello Holidays.

Hello my favourite family...
And my beautiful princess chamber (which we're moving out of soon)
Hello my piano I haven't touched you in a whole semester lets see how dusty you've become.
Hullo my drums I have faith you're all still working well.
Hello healthy home cooked food lovingly prepared by my mummy...
Hello watching tv with my brother and sister in front of the tv while having dinner....

Hello late night suppers...
Hello playing games and watching movies...
Hello books there are so many of you I want to read this 3 months...

Bye bye Melb and my nerd days.
See ya next semester!

30 days to Christmas!!!

Not good enough

2005-11-07T18:17:00.000+08:00

I AM STUPID AND I'M GOING TO FAIL MY EXAMS :-[

And the best part of it all is that I can't seem to seat myself on the chair and start studying.

*boohoohoo*

because 'lex my bro wants me to write

2005-10-22T09:34:00.000+08:00

5 down, 3 to go.

Yes, I didn't have 8 assignments in my previous post, but the assignments surface sneakily and now, 3 more assignments before swot vac.

Gonna go.
This is such a lousy post I promise I'll write a better one soon.

Take care 'Lex.

I am slowly going crazy......

2005-10-12T20:17:00.000+08:00

I've got so much work I want to go to a corner, curl up and cry.

And there's nobody to whine to cos everybody is going through the exact same thing.

There's this pattern - every semester at around this time during the schoolwork over-load period I get stressed up and annoyed at everything.
Then I get depressed.
And then I just want to go home.

Like now.
I just want to go home.
Home is such a wonderful place where my parents, brother and sister are.

My sis is probably as stressed as I am preparing for Os.
My brother is having holidays!! I want to play with him.

And no after my litany of whines, I still have so much work to do.
Dynamics assignment
Fluids Assignment
Statistics
Design
Another Stats
Aerofoil lab...

I'm not sure if everybody understands that that is a LOT of work, but whether they realize that or not, fact is I still have a lot of work.

So now that I'm done with my litany of whining, I shall get back to work lest I really lose my mind.

:(
:(

Something's wrong

2005-10-05T15:50:00.000+08:00

Is it just me, or is this semester flying past really fast?
There are semesters I feel like I'm just being dragged along and I thought that was bad.
This semester, it's as though I'm standing outside the flow and watching it go by.
*sigh*

Nothing seems to be going particularly well for me. There's this sense of detachment from the world.

The only reason I do things is because I have to do them. No truth and no depth to it.

I feel so bogged down by a phantom burden. Can't be my old chirpy bubbly self.

It is as if my life is an act which I put up for myself and the people around me to watch. And it's been going on for so long that it's starting to resemble a very boring soap opera.

I need to find meaning to my life.
Need to find that phantom burden.
And I need to stop acting and try living instead.

4 weeks to the exams.
:(

2005-09-22T09:19:00.000+08:00

I have a question -
What happened to my tagboard??!! :(

There's something about flirting.
It's something I don't do very often anymore, but nevertheless is still fun.
For me, it gives me a sense of being in control...
And makes me feel attractive...
*grinz*

Had this super weird dream yesterday.
I dreamt that I was going to adopt a mini-dog (the size of a hamster), but when I got into the room where they were kept, there was this mini-girl who watched me doefully.
I spoke to her briefly.... and suddenly she hugged my finger (because she was so small) and whispered 'Jie jie I love you very much'.

My heart melted into a glob of mush and I contemplated taking her home. Such a difficult thing to also remind myself that she is not a mini-dog, but a mini-girl.

Anyway I'm too lazy to type the rest of the thing out it's too long.
Involves mini-rats, Sherlyn, the 'Hay-Free Stack' which is a pollen free bar where the people who suffer hay-fever gather to escape the pollen in the air and feel better while they're in the bar.
Mike, Tze Yee, Keith, Shuxian and Ping Zhi were in the dream too.

Hmm...
Weird.....

Neways, gotta go!

Till the next time you read something from here..

2005-09-12T08:11:00.000+08:00

This is ridiculous.

I woke up this morning and it was so cold that for the first time in my life, I rolled up the blinds of my bedroom half expecting to see snow on the ground.
(no there was no snow)

That's how cold I am.
:(

Time to take out all that winter jackets which I thought I would never have to see for one year...

It's 8am in the morning and...

2005-09-06T08:09:00.000+08:00

Contrary to popular belief, I AM NOT DEAD!!

Heehee.
Not that many people think I'm dead.
I just feel dead myself most of the time.

It's been a drama month and the drama hasn't ended.
Sigh.
As usual, I've got so much work.

Then again who doesn't right?
I really should stop whining...

Oh I was walking home yesterday and I realized that it's so sad that some animals are grown to be eaten... and how beautiful the walk back from uni to my new house in the Melbourne springtime was, and I thought 'I shall write that on my blog tonight'.
Of course that didn't because of o so much work so yeah.
But there you have whatever I wanted to say here...
I'll just keep on procrastinating elaborating...

Blah.
Gonna grab breakfast and disappear to school for aero lect.
Such a sad life.
I dunno what's going on during lectures...
I dunno why I bother going...

ARGH Felicia STOP WHINING AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST OR YOU'LL BE LATE!!

Ok ok.
Bye bye.

I'm So Sad

2005-08-10T19:42:00.000+08:00

It's been 3 weeks since I came back to Melbourne.

And it's been a whirlwind.
I don't think I've had much time to myself since.
I haven't even spent much time in my room (in Astorial), and suddenly I'm uprooting and moving off to North Melbourne.

I'm extremely sad about moving.
Just cos I'll be so far from the 2 people I've come to love so much.

On the other hand, moving is an exciting prospect.
It's all new.
New surburb, new route home, new house, housemates, room...
New distance from the people I love...

Who am I kidding.
I don't really want to move anymore.

Like I Never Left

2005-07-25T17:46:00.000+08:00

Following my reluctant packing entries, I arrived in Melb on Wednesday morning into the blistering 8am's 279 Kelvins, which, by the way, is a mere 6 degrees Celsius.

Dropped my bags off and went straight to Uni.
And ran errands (by myself),
And did groceries (by myself),
Then had dinner (not home cooked).

Note: By 'by myself', I don't mean to say that I did it alone because Diane wonderfully kept me company. I mean that nobody else was going to do any dirty work for me :(

Then after a few more days of running errands and going to church without my family (but that's not to say that I went alone), it suddenly became Monday.

Monday at 9am -
Design Lecture.
Same lecturer from last semester.
Same (wonderful) people sitting around me from last semester.
Similar conversations...
And yes, we received our first assignment and the first part of it is due in 10 days.

I'm surprised at how things were the way I remember them to be that it is as if we never had the break.

Or maybe it's just as well that the past month of time spent with the people I love the most, is kept in a box and stored in my heart...

Because I, for a fact, cannot live the emotions of the month while I'm here in Melb, and to try to live it would be to yearn in vain for something that can never be fulfilled unless I have my Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, SX, Ber and PZ around me.

2005-07-19T11:35:00.000+08:00

Still haven't gone packed.
I don't wanna go back to Melb.

I can just hear all my friends saying exasperately
'Felicia, do we have to go through this again?'

*sigh*
Yes......

2005-07-19T02:50:00.000+08:00

Once again I am supposed to be packing.

Need to Grow Smarter

2005-07-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

I always seem to be asking this question -
'How to do??!!'

During semester it's the heap of assignments.
During exams it's the past year papers and stuff.

Then there was that beginning of this break when I tried to sort out my life -
How?
How do you make decisions knowing that every decision you make changes your life for good?
How do you take one last look and walk away from something you have held on to for so long?

And as the break comes to an end (like now) I ask the same question again.
How?
How do you spend such a wonderful time at home and then pack up and leave to the land of the lonely?
How do you face up to what you have avoided for a month?

And when semester starts,
it's 'how to do assignments?'

All over again.

Boohoohoo

2005-07-12T11:27:00.000+08:00

It's raining crazily heavily.
It rained crazily heavily yesterday and the day before too.
Why?
:(

Singapore is supposed to be warm, bright, sunny and NOT wet.

I'm so sad.

2005-07-10T17:47:00.000+08:00

Superpincers died

Math Language

2005-07-10T00:42:00.000+08:00

Every successive semester I work exponentially harder and do linearly better.

But it's all worth it.
Whoohoo!!

New people and experiences are always enjoyable

2005-07-09T01:47:00.000+08:00

Had the numb-spicy-fire-pot for dinner today.

Or essentially, steamboat with soup with so much chilli it literally numbs the mouth.

Then we went to fish prawns (!?).
Well we kinda went fishing...
But we caught prawns...
So we went prawning (?).
Or did we just go fishing for prawns?

Anyway there are 2 new additions to my household - 2 prawns
1. Superpincers(Armless)
2. The Cute One, aka TCO (Smallfry)

(names in brackets from my dear friend Justin)

We refers to Justin - the one who gives the mean names to cute prawns (those in brackets), Nicole, the one who caught 100% of our prawns (100% = 2 prawns), and Hsienn Yi, whose innate stand up comedian qualities I admire particularly.

Oh the irony

2005-07-08T17:25:00.000+08:00

It was unbelievably ironic.

Fantastic 4 was sufficiently entertaining.
But I can't decide whether I like it or not.
It strikes a nerve that is WAAYYY to raw for my liking.

I hope you find it familiar when you catch the movie, if you haven't already done so.

Hobart hobart

2005-07-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

Check it out - I've got a new link.
Cos Hobart's got a new blog.

Whoohoo...
One more person converted to the dark blogging side....

Okie I'm become incoherent...

2005-07-05T02:27:00.000+08:00

The more I think about it, the more I think there's only one thing for me to do.
I just... can't do it.
Simply can't.

No energy, no confidence...

Seriously, what went wrong?

Just a thought

2005-07-03T03:05:00.000+08:00

There's something about just letting go and doing something you wouldn't never usually have done.

I figured I had nothing to lose.
Either I do it realize one more thing that I enjoy, or I know for sure that it's something I never want to do again.

I definitely enjoyed myself today, as with most things...
*grin*
Thanks for making it possible.

ps NEVER go to Orchard Road on a Saturday evening. The number of cars and people is PHENOMENAL.

the things swimming in my brain

2005-06-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

Thermodynamics
Fluids
Sources
Sinks
Doublets
Complex potential
Potential function
Velocity potential
Tangents
Heat transfer
Thermal resistance,Thermal conductivity
Pipes
Cylinders
Heat exchangers
Cross, parallel, counter flow
Log mean temperature difference
Effectiveness NTU
Reynolds
Nusselt
Prandtl
Conduction
Convection
Radiation
Black body
Emmisivity
Effeciency
Fouling factor
Effectiveness

Do you get it?
I don't.
Hope you do then at least one of us does.

I just want to curl up in the corner.

This is what happens when I study alone in the Eng library

2005-06-08T16:09:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I feel so alone.
Nobody's doing Manufacturing Studies with me.
So I have to study it alone.

And it's a really weird feeling...
Think I've officially spent too much time studying with Justin, Ryan and Daniel, that it's just a horribly weird feeling now that they're not around me while I study, or to teach me when I am confronted with a dumb question.
Need to read the textbook and find out the answers for myself.

And I have a feeling that what I am going through in this subject this semester, is a tiny part of what the people on the other side of the study-spectrum go through -
They go to lectures alone and say hi and sit beside a few acquaintances who sometimes try to be friendly, but they put a wall around themselves anyway.

They do their assignments and tutorials alone throughout the semester.

And when it's study time during the Swot Vac, they take the books, notes and tute sheets out and attempt to do all of them, all by themselves.

Finally on the day of the examination, they go to the exam venue alone, take their one seat in a midst of three thousand others (people and seats), do the paper, go home, relax(?) and wait for the results to be posted.

If the results are good, there is nobody who did the same paper to do well with and share the joy with. If they turn out to be bad, there's nobody who knows the paper well enough to say 'I sat for the paper and it was really hard'.

As I think about it, I realize that I am surrounded by my friends all the time.
I don't even study alone (till today).
If I am too dependent on others, I am defintely enjoying it, and I thank God for these people in my life.

I thank God for
Diane -
For being me when I lose myself.
For loving me the way I want to be loved.
For just being the way she is.

For Amelia
Who always seems pop out with most fitting things at the most fitting times.
And who is just so easy to be with.

For Ryan, Justin and Daniel
For caring even though they don't have any reason to.
For making me study and helping me pass the exams since last semester.
For answering every stupid question of mine - be it to do with work, life, boys, girlfriends, or the Defence Force of Singapore,
And for being the big brother figures to the (pesky) tomboy I'm supposed to be.

Christine,
For the presence and the consideration,

And for my Someone Special
For whom I cannot do without.

On Studying in the Baillieu...

2005-06-07T22:08:00.000+08:00

So many things can happen while one is studying (at the Baillieu)...

Daniel, Justin, Ryan and I were preparing for todays (Tuesday's) Design paper.

This is one Daniel-Ryan interaction I happened to overhear.

Daniel: Ryan tonight you do past year papers is it?
Ryan: (in all honesty and innocence) should be Tuesday I do this year's paper.
Felicia: WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA (and she tries damn hard not to die laughing)

And Daniel just didn't get it.

I burst out laughing every single time I think about my 2 dear friends.

And I couldn't help but remember this while doing the paper today.

I hate winter, I hate studying, and I love Diane

2005-06-02T17:25:00.000+08:00

You'll suddenly see the difference between this entry and the latest entry I read from Mandy's blog.

Contrary to her positive wintry sentiments, I HATE WINTER!!!

I haven't seen the beautiful bright warmth radiating sun for more than a week!!
How screwed up is this??!!
*boo hoo hoo*
It's such a depressing time of the year when you can't even trust the weather forecasts.
(and even if they're right you still cannot trust them)
It's like 13 degrees in midday and 7 degrees when we walk home from the library at 7pm.
And I never noticed what time the sun sets but it's pitch dark by 5pm.
The day is always grey...
And the night sky is this sickening shade of pinkish purplish brown.ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Only good thing about it is that I wouldn't be so distracted had the sun been out.
No more classic 'it's too sunny to be studying' excuse for me.

My studies are coming along really really badly.
Pure frustration.
:(

WHY why why do I never learn...
(heehee you don't have to answer that)

Oh I've spent 3 entire days with Diane.
I even get love notes...
*hee!*
Jealous jealous?
:P

will never see that tree again :(

2005-05-26T15:27:00.000+08:00

I feel so sad.
They cut down the big tree on the intersection of swanston and Grattan streets.

WHY???
I'm not particularly a fan of trees, but I do feel a sense of loss whenever I walk past that intersection, which is like a few times a day.

*sighz*
Been taking the presence of that poor tree for granted.

Mental note:
Better not do that to my human friends, especially now that the exams are coming (c.f. my post for the previous exam period)

Every exam period changes.
I wonder what this one will bring.

(better finish assignments before thinking of exams)
On a happier note, I've just completed my control lab report.
shall go get rid of it once I finish posting this...

Then there's just one more assignment left and I can start the nightmare mugging.

Anybody going to study please drag me along with you - I'd be eternally grateful.

I look like shite

2005-05-25T04:08:00.000+08:00

It's official:-
I am now a piece of shite.
Look it and feel it.

I guess that's what I get for not adequately knowing how to do my assignments and lab reports, as well as, as Nicholas says, I have a time management problem.

Heh.
I just think I procrastinate too much, which is admittedly a bad bad thing.

*sighz*
somehow need to make my face look that little bit better.
I know it's superficial, but looking like shit does have a detrimental effect to my moods.

Yes yes, Felicia's true vanity surfaces for the world to see.

I am vain.
Am so going to try not to look like shit to uni tomororw......

'Sad' and 'engineering' always seem to come in the same line these days

2005-05-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

Let's quote my fellow third year engineering friends:-

Sad friend 1:
He was browsing through ebay and found a sale of 144 condoms for $40.
He said and I quote -
'Like that can have sex about three times a week for a year and it will cost you only $40.
DAMN CHEAP LEH!!!'

Sad friend 2:
"We engineers are so sad. We study about 'stress', 'strain', 'failure'... Like that how to do well??"

Sad friend 3:
(Warning: this is beyond sad)

"I have no food in my fridge...
I have no money in my wallet...
All I have is... my books..."

-------------------

Yes yes, such is the sad life of us engineers.

:-(

2005-05-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

Someone wise says I should list my assignments when I'm stressed and then start doing them.
Here goes:-

1. Design 2 Project
2. Fluids Assignment
3. Control Assignment
4. Mechanics of Rigid Bodies (assignment)
5. Stress Analysis (assignment)
6. Control Lab report
7. Heat Exchanger oral presentation

!!!!!!!
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Sob sob sob.

I reckon the wiser thing to do is to plan when to do what and stick to it... and somehow eventually get whatever was planned done even if it's not academically possible (read Felicia is dumb and can't do assignments).

I need a new brain.
Anybody willing to give me one?

:-)

2005-05-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

I just found out something nice today:-

I am not truly happy until I share that joy with somebody who matters.
It somehow becomes more real with someone else feels the same way.

And I don't think I'm the only person who feels like that.

Felicia's birthday never ends (either)

2005-05-12T09:43:00.000+08:00

It started on Thursday, went on throughout the weekend, still received prezzies and dinner on Monday, and on Wednesday the tulips and irises(?) from Tony blossomed prettily.

I feel so loved... as always on every birthday.

The human being's capacity to love is quite amazing.
Maybe that's God.

But in my short signtedness on occasions that really matter, I maintain that the act of wondering if some of it is just too good to be true, is justified.

And back to the point - there will always be people who love me.
Shouldn't take a birthday to remind me of it.
To only feel loved once in 365 days IS pretty damn sad.

So if I remember that everybody loves me everyday, my birthday is just not going to end
*grin grin grin*

Thank you for the love.

Diane's birthday never ends...

2005-05-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

I put up Diane's birthday pictures!
Ya can all go bug Diane and Noel for more pictures.
If you ask me, Diane's got the best ones of her making a great fool of herself...
Then again it was her birthday so nobody can say anything against her...

Key word is 'was'.
So yeah Diane it's not your birthday anymore :P
Hurry up and let us all see what we did to your toilet.

'So long and thanks for all the fish'

2005-05-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

La la la la la la la la

Heeheehee
I just had to write that down.

Just watched The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
The bizzare characters were (I felt) so well almost perfectly perfect it fit snugly into the whole picture.

The next time I read the books it will be with whole new pictures of the weirdo characters in my mind.

So long and thanks for all the fish.
Lalalalalalalala (just cos I don't know the rest of the words)

Work woes

2005-05-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it!
I actually did enough work to be satisfied with myself.
*grin grin grin*

In other words I've finished what I set out to do!

Quite a miracle...

Now I just still have A LOT more to do...

bluff

2005-05-01T02:26:00.000+08:00

There's really nothing going on in my life at the moment you'd be particularly interested in.

Maybe just 'cos I've completely lost touch with myself.
Or maybe I'm just blocking out thoughts that really matter.
Kinda like I refuse to think.

I don't even know why I'm telling you this.

I want to just 'be'.

But it's just so difficult these days.
I think I know why.

I want to hold my head up high, even if that means having to lie to myself.

me and my sad lame life. heh.

2005-04-26T21:21:00.000+08:00

I think I caught the BB.
No Ber I didn't miss out the 'C' in BBC.
I just caught the blog-bug.

Second post for the day hahahaha.

I just finished the horrible Manufacturing essay.
Been stuck at it for the past 5 days and 3 days past the schedule I was so going to keep to (key word here is 'was').
But at least I still finished it huh :D

I wasn't so pissed off doing it today (although I DID take 4 hours to do my final touches).
I was using the internet to polish up my essay on manufacturing processes and I suddenly realized that manufacturing engineering is a very important part of life (as is every sector of the economy right?).
Okay I'm talking rubbish.

But I think manufacturing engineers are never going to run out of jobs.
Too bad I'm not going to be one.
Ah well.

Such pointless ramblings.
Heeheeheeheehee.

So I finished my essay and a friend said he was down and asked me for coffee tonight and I said I'm going.

And here's my conversation with Robert:-
R: So why're you going out for coffee with this friend.
F: Finish essay and I'm very proud of myself... and my friend's not feeling so good.
R: Are you a counsellor?
F: NO!! This friend of mine is a sadist. He irritates the crap out of me and finds joy in it because I'm apparently 'cute' when I'm annoyed. So I'm just going out with him to sit there and be irritated so that he feels better.

Then I realized what a sad life I live.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHa

Oh well, for my sadist friend, anything goes.
Right dude?
*grin*

I'm growing wings

2005-04-26T14:23:00.000+08:00

Somebody said a simple sentence and made me realize how loved I am.
And I thank her for letting me see that.

Allow me to boast -
I'm so loved....

Lalala...

*cloud nine*

*flutters off*

'Super Trouper'

2005-04-21T23:29:00.001+08:00

I finally saw Mamma Mia!!
The first CD we ever owned was one of the songs by 'Abba'.
My dad bought that together with our very first CD player.
Love the music, love the style...
Hey I grew up with it!

Then I saw Mamma Mia!!
It's like watching a movie live on the set!!
With amazing music!!
Beautiful stuff *grin grin*
Brought new meaning to the songs of 'Abba'.
Kinda put it all into perspective.

Which was great.
Yes yes, everybody go watch Mamma Mia.

So yes....
'Thank you for the music'.

Thank you for the music....

2005-04-17T13:43:00.000+08:00

I added new photos
And new links :D

Go figure...

I am going to scold the lecturer right after I publish this entry

2005-04-13T13:18:00.000+08:00

Hey dudes...

I'm so frustrated I just want to scream!!!

I know this is lame, but I've been buried under a hell lot of schoolwork...

Yeah... SCHOOLWORK!!
I'VE GOT SO MUCH SCHOOLWORK I CAN'T EVEN THINK PROPERLY.
AND WHEN I'M TRYING DAMN HARD TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING, I'M THINKING ABOUT THE NEXT I HAVE TO DO.
SO AS OF 10MINUTES AGO, I HAD 7 ASSIGNMENTS ON HAND.
I JUST DROPPED BY A SUBJECT WEBPAGE AND I SAW THAT I HAVE TO HAND IN THIS WELDING ASSIGNMENT.

Let me scream about the welding story. I went for my welding prac and the demonstrator declared 'this lab does not require you to had in a report', and that's all well and good.
Sounds like previous years when nobody did any report for this lab.
Lecturer does not say anything about welding prac and reports.
And when I dropped by this subject webpage 10minute ago, I find that there IS a welding assignment to be done. Account for several different kinds of methods of welding... or something along those lines. Don't even have the brainpower to read the whole page of assignment description... and it's due 3 weeks after the student does the prac.

*jeng jeng jeng*
Pregnant pause.
Flip flip flip through the organiser.
The horror sinks in...
!!!!!!!!
THREE WEEKS AFTER MY PRAC IS TOMORROW!!!

SO THAT MAKES IT 8 ASSIGNMENTS.
AND I HAVE ANOTHER PRAC TOMORROW.
ONCE I DO THAT IT'S ONE MORE ASSIGNMENT TO BE HANDED IT.
9.
nine.
NINE!!!

That's it, I've officially lost it.

And on Death

2005-04-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

'Do not be afraid'
...........................
And finally, 'I have looked for you. Now you have come to me. And I thank you.'

I can't get those words out of my head.

And I can't decide which death is worse -
One amazing priest whose touched the lives of billions...
Or 9 soldiers dying on a dodgy helicoptor crash WHILE saving the lives of hundreds of other people who are in so much more need than most of those who mourn the priest.

On school and on Camp

2005-04-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

Ok I haven't been blogging huh.
Let me make it up by telling you some of my thoughts:-

If being busy is a valid excuse, that's exactly what I've been. The amount of schoolwork these days is overwhelming, to say the least.

I've seen a lot of things in schoolwork I haven't had to see before. Mind you I'm not talking about new engineering skills I've picked up ('cos I haven't picked up anything).

I saw (and still see) my peers move on - to new academic goals, social groups, project groups...
And I also see others left behind - excluded, bitched about... left behind.

I realized how people deal with change.
They move on themselves. That's what I've been doing - I made new friends, new goals, new project partners.
I try as much as I can not to exclude and bitch.
But of course by saying that I TRY not to, I mean to say that I still do, to that minimal extent.

Easter Camp is the other big thing that had been going on.
Planning camp was one big drama in itself.
I've forgotten my exact feelings at the instants of the drama, but I haven't forgotten what I've taken out of it.
I learned too much about myself.
1. I gave up too easily.
2. I need to be reminded more often that I need strength from God to do so many things.

Camp was good.

'Master, where do you live?', we asked.
'Come and see', He said.
I went and I saw.

The 40 of us collectively realized that God lived everwhere.
He was in the Spirit that moved among us, to every individual at camp, to the plants and animals that made the difference to the setting of the campsite, all the way to the beautiful weather we were blessed with throughout the duration of camp.
Everything went smoothly.
There were no major mishaps...

Camp for me was majorly thought provoking.
Before I wrote this, my thoughts were private and I thought I only wanted to share it with a small bunch of people. But as I thought through them, I figured that not sharing it would almost be a contradiction.

Because
Firstly: I find it so hard to get have a personal relationship with people these days, because I have been living in such denial that I don't even admit to myself what I truly think and feel. I choose not to think about the things that really matter and when people ask me if I'm okay, I force a smile, assure them that I'm fine, and in the process convince myself that everything is all good.

Because of this,
I learned secondly, that: I have no idea who I really am. Don't know what I want, why I want the things I think I want, why I do what I do... I have come to the conclusion that we're happier people when we are in touch with ourselves.

I also found out that
Thirdly: I need to be less self centered. Need to be more aware of the people around me. After all what is a relationship if it's not personal...?

But on the topic of people around me,
The fourth thing I realized is that: I know I should, but I would be lying if I said that I do care about the people I don't know.
I sympathise with the people who are devastated by the recent tsunami and earthquakes. I can see how hard the lives of street-people can get without a roof over their heads. I feel sad for people who're just left behind by the rest of the world.

That all said, I can't bring myself to really care. My heart is probably just too small. I can't understand what they have to go through - can only imagine...
And after all that imagination, all that comes out of with would be just lame understatements, if they were correct at all.

So I should just start small.
The fifth thing I learned is that: I have made the decision to develop a relationship with the immediate people who matter.

So while camp brought me to see the places God lives, it has also led me to discover the dusty corners of the home He made in my heart.
Through camp I've found the grace to clean them up.

So the God living in all of you, please help me.

And now I shall get back to the 6 assignments I have on hand.

Control freak part 2

2005-03-12T21:37:00.000+08:00

There's something beautiful about making decisions and making the best of them, because that said, things always work out right.

I decided to force myself out of my comfort zone and do new things.
Which I'm very glad to say I did.
And I've had such wonderful times.

Best decision I've made in a long time.

*grin grin*

I am a Barbarian

2005-03-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

My Friday 4.15 - 5.15pm tutorial told me that I'm a barbarian after making me do some 'strategic leadership styles instrument' by Gaylord Reagan.
Anyway 'barbarian' evolved into 'cannibal', somehow.
I'm so prepared to be called that for a while :(

Apparently, being in high control appeals to barbarians (like me).

Which brings me back to what I logged on to write my blog.

Before leaving last week, I was a wreck.
I was terrified of being away from home after drowning in 3 months of love and attention.
I was completely out of control of my feelings.
Simply freaking out.
I even thought the plane was going to crash.

The Qantas aircraft looked good cos it was new.
Forgot about my notion about the plane crashing.

I chided myself for being an idiot, and came to the conclusion that just because I don't want to leave Singapore, doesn't mean I have to be unhappy about coming back to Melbourne.

Then I thought about my crazy and redundant 'I hate Melb and I don't want to go back' tirade.
And I fumed at myself for being in a position of absolutely no control of my thoughts and feelings.

Yesterday, I realized something.
There are decisions and events which inevitably occur that I cannot control because they're all external.

BUT I can control me and myself.
I make the decisions how I want to live my life be it happy or sad, optimistic about the future, or regretful of the past.

I control who I am.

So I have decided to be precisely who I want to be.

Record no. of posts a day: 5

2005-02-27T05:19:00.000+08:00

Here's a vulgar one:

I've declared myself and insomniac for tonight.

They run through my head like nobody's business.
'I hate Melb I hate Melb I hate Melb.
I don't wanna go back I don't wanna go back I don't wanna go back.'

*screams*
ARGH!!!!

It's almost 5.30am and I'm neither sleeping nor packing.

Sister says that cursing is for people with bad English and can't express themselves in proper words.
Spot on -

Fuck.

4th entry at 4am

2005-02-27T04:03:00.000+08:00

4am.
And I've still not packed.

I'm a reknown procrastinator who puts off studying, assignments, meeting up with people... etc...
The list goes on.
But really, I'm best at procrastinate packing.
In particular, packing to go back to Melb.

I hate Melb.
I hate the thought of having to go back.
And this tonight, I'm especially sad.

Screw the dratted packing.
I'll do a fel-daddy and ber-mummy: -
Pack just before leaving!

Sleeptime!
Goodnight.

A third post

2005-02-27T02:45:00.000+08:00

To let you know that I blogged a lot today.
Subconsciously probably because I'm procrastinating.

It's 2.45am.
And I STILL haven't packed.

Bugger...

tall tanned cute scout with intense eyes

2005-02-27T02:32:00.000+08:00

My brain archives were provoked today.
Haven't thought about this in years and suddenly, what was so cloudnine-ish suddenly seems so dumb.
:D

It was 2000 when I walked down the stairs to use the (only available) female bathroom at SJI on a certain Saturday afternoon in the middle of Curia meeting.
I passed the row of sinks where the tall, tanned scout leader was preparing for the next activity planned.
It involved water bombs.

'Cute', I thought. I walked passed the sinks on my way back up the stairs.
I heard somebody call out, 'Felicia?'
I whirled around.

'Do I know you?'
He looked straight at me and answered with just one word - his name.
'Oh. Nice meeting you.'

I smiled, turned around and walked off.
All I could think of the remaining LOM meeting was 'cute guy knows my name'.

And thus began the period Felicia's Huge Crush.

Lots of people would know who I'm referring to.
I have absolutely no intention of causing the tall, tanned, cute scout with intense eyes any embarassment...
Am just sharing the beginnings of my huge schoolgirl crush.

To the tall, tanned, cute scout with intense eyes,
If you're reading this,
Now you know.
Hah.

But like in Moulin Rouge,
The greatest thing you'd ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

(#*@&$

2005-02-27T01:52:00.000+08:00

I feel very duh today.

Maybe cos Lionel's such brainless company (dude it's a compliment).
And since Lionel likes quoting people...
He did a suddenly-laugh-to-himself thing today -
It was something along the lines of

'Why did the woman place ice on her breasts?
To freeze her assets'.

.............
???????
!!!!!!!!!!
#(*&$%^@

Thursday evening at the prata house:
On the topic of 'Ignation Spirituality Centre' (it's a retreat centre in Melbourne), the conversation went along these lines -

Terence: They have very nice gardens for a good quiet reflection.
Dennis: Why? Do they have a lot of mirrors?
(I forgot who): Maybe there's a lake included in the landscape.

Once again,
............
??????
!!!!!!!!!
#$^!*$#)

But I admit I do give it up to them.
Supersmart wits for my the brainless entertainment I thrive on.

a.k.a Shuxian-day

2005-02-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

The phone rang so loudy at 10.
'Sorry Fel I woke up late. Be at your house in 40 mins.'

'OK. Call me again when you get off the bus. I'm going back to sleep.'

LATE??!!!!
Heehee.... earlier than me laaahhhh.
I eventually woke up at 10.30am.

Anyway that was Shuxian.

She came over and we played piano the whole morning.
Thereafter we watched the Lion King.
It was such a heartwarming cartoon which I hadn't seen for at least 5 years (by the way it was on Laser Disc, if you remember what that is).
When I saw it today, I heard lines which I never really heard or understood before, and I read the lessons and messages they spoke of.
It was... different.
Thanks SX, for the wonderful choice of movie :D

We met PZ and the three of us went on my one person's HUGE shopping spree.
SX is amazing.
My lactose intolerant friend fell sick from the lassi we had, but never once in 3 hours said anything at all about it.

Missed mass to continue shopping.
Since when did I become such a shopaholic huh.
Well since today.
I've GOT to start packing to go back to Melb soon.

PZ had to go do her assignments.
So I went to SX's house.
There we watched more cartoons.
Well 1 hour of chinese tv, 2 episodes of friends, and more cartoon!
Saw Return to Neverland.

It was a wonderful Shuxian-day.
It started with her and and Disney cartoon, and it ended with her, and a Disney cartoon.

Thanks babe.
For the all and more that you are to me.